Chasing Pavements

should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements even if they lead nowhere?...

it's a question i've had to keep asking me recently, i mean after liking a guy who isn't gay and has a girlfriend for a year you need a wake up slap. I'm in a tough time and i'm stuck on the fence right now, i can honestly say i don't know what to do..

Why does there have to be boundries? why do Gay/Straight/Bi exist, why can't anyone love anyone no matter what gender, it annoys me so much that i can't be with this amazing, truly amazing guy (i can't even think of a word to describe him) who cares for me, who stands up for me, who treats me right, all because he isn't gay that pretty much the only reason, it isn't fair :/

I'm only at high school many of you would say "get over yourself" your too young for love, or "how do you even know your gay" and maybe your right, maybe i'm too young to be going to this but i disagree. I wish i didnt have to deal with this, but being loved up for a year, A YEAR! thats a really long time to be going after someone..

Should i give up? probably i should, i made a friend through this and for me that is enough, i am so happy with that because i haven't lost him and he has told me some deep things and i've told him some deep things.. or should i just keep on chasing pavements? probably not because i know this wont lead anywhere but i still like him anyway, i can't help who i fall in love with, theres only so much i can say on a blog but i really want him, i've never wanted anything more, i'm lonely and i want him to be mine,  even if they lead nowhere.. again the probably wont lead anywhere

as usual i just blog my feelings down, i'm going on holiday soon so i'm sure that will help clear my head, but i'm just a mess right now and i hate, i really hate telling people this, the reality of my situation, i'm not a strong person i can't move on.. i will probably be sat here next year writing a second anniversary on how i cant be strong enough to let go,

i might seem pretty down but i have to keep my head up and i will go far, i have him as a FRIEND :D and that is amazing! i know "i didnt ask for the life i was given, but i was given it nonetheless and with it i'm doing my best!" i'm glad i have him to talk to, HIm of all people!

your pretty confused reading this one paragraph i'm a depressed bitch then another i'm jumping for joy, but thats what my life is like at the moment, i even blogged more than once this month! ikr? well nearly ;) big stuff... i guess thats it for now, there is so much more but there are things you just dont post here, anyone could be reading!