With 1000 Sweet Kisses, I'll Cover You

urrgh, i always come on here to spill out my feelings, blogging just seems to me such a deep thing almost an escape from the real world where you can just empty yourself of the feelings that eat you alive, it's been a big help for me defiantly. Pretty much all of my blogs have been heart felt where i just go for it, i have a LOT on my plate and i need this to help me go on! Of course blogging isn't all i have, i have the most amazing people in my life! like seriously if you met them you would be jealous.


Unfortunately for you this is another of the blogs where i babble on about how things are going wrong in my life, but everyone has this, i feel like i have the whole world on my shoulders and that i have a lot to deal with, but i know there are others that are totally worse off than me! i can't imagine what it's like for them because i can pretty much only just get through my own problems!


A Recurring theme in my blogs are men, well one man in particular and i have said at least 1000 times before, he is amazing! and we haven't spoken for like 3 weeks but the other day i went through his maths paper with him and honestly that made my day, probably even my week, even walking down the corridor to be in the same lesson with him gives me butterflies, when he smiles at me it's so hard not to just burst out into a little school girl giggle, i remember one time i was handing out glue and i gave some to him and i went bright red and he laughed :') times like that just put a massive smile on my face! <3

I know it isn't healthy to love a guy who realistically (as much as i hate to say it) i will probably will not go out with, and i tell myself... NO we will!! and some may call me stupid but no i have to disagree hope is a very dangerous thing to lose as someone once said  "We can live a week without food, days without water but only a minute without hope" i can only dream how amazing my life would be if i shared it with him. I've has millions of these visions of us being together and it sucks the reality of the situation, i must live in this dream world!


I don't know where to go from this, i love him too much to move on and i know i should, i know but i can't, I've tried but it isn't happening at the moment, but i am happy with this, before i was really depressed that i wasn't strong enough to move on but now my attitude is to enjoy the experience of being in love even though it gets really hard at times, before i was sitting through looking at all the posts him and his girlfriend have sent to each other, and i knew, i was telling myself not to because i would get upset but i did it anyway, and it hurt but... there is nothing i can do I'm just gonna go as i am and see if anything comes out of this, i really hope it does it would make my life if it did but we will see,


if we do end up together, then with a 1000 sweet kisses, I'll cover him :P